Warning - the post is going to be very sensitive for some people; you've been warned, okay?
12th March 2016 - It was a magnificent feeling even though I'm not there. I LIVE-STREAMED GAISS and I'm proud of my country hahaha. Malaysia takde sekatan yang ketat untuk gi konsert kan... so selamatlah fansite nunnas bawak DSLR yang nak macam bazooka. I miss Chanyeol yesterday, now and future...!
Walaupun aku takde kat konsert tu, aku sendiri rasa bangga jap sebab EXO tahu Malaysia ni wujud hahaha walaupun Suho sebut KL tu Kuala Lampur and Jongdae dengan SELEMET DATANG (bro, i know the struggle is real) - aku and paoh melalui tempoh konsert ini dengan live-streaming hahah aku stream and aku record kat whatapps untuk paoh and we spazzed all along... #teamMereput
Seyes aku sedih dan terharu dan bangga.. I felt like I'm a proud mum hahah
Anyway, I'm home for a week! And this is the last semester break.. lepas IB exam nanti, cuti la jugak dalam sebulan hmmm. Tarikh graduasi pun dah tahu, 14th August 2016 and we need to wear baju kurung in shades of purple in which I'm really happy to know it's purple year hahaha.
It's getting me into mood of moving forward - the stress level is really get me mad hahahah. We're going to start our IRP Programme ( ala-ala gerak gempur berkumpulan gituh). Cakap pasal group IRP je aku tak puas hati dan agak sedih. Bukannya aku tak boleh nak kerja dalam kumpulan.. I can. Tapi ada jenis manusia atas muka bumi yang takleh operate kalau sekeliling tu bukannya geng dia. It sounded harsh, but this is the reality. Dik, kalau kat dunia luar pun mungkin ada macam ni; memang ada, okay..?
We have sixteen people in class, so guess how many groups can be formed equally? Yes, four peeps in the group of four. But what group do we have now? We have 6-5-5; in which the groups are so many peeps in each of it. Kadang aku perhatikan, aku takde masalah tapi masalah orang datang kepada aku. Masalah yang selama ini semakkan kepala aku, hanyalah masalah orang lain. I don't know why, I'm not in the others' problem, it seemed like peeps cannot solve their probs and then they shoved it to us (me and my group mates) to solve it.
(Jangan tiru macam akak yang baik sangat tolong orang) - Group aku nanti akan dipecahkan daripada 6 orang kepada 3-3, so that we won't have extra burden. But still, soalan aku; why group aku yang perlu pecah...? Takyah cakap ini semua takdir - stop jadi penunggang agama, boleh tak? Jangan sampai aku pulangkan paku buah keras pulak. Aku memang takleh blah cara kolej selesaikan masalah... aku tertanya jugak, dulu super-duper seniors pun dapat treatment macam ni ker...
Aku rasa IRP group kelas aku dah jadi competitive lepas satu group dah pecah. Aku tak suka - i feel provoked; especially bila orang yang 'tikam kau dari belakang' dan 'jilat ludah sendiri' tengah berbahagia dalam group orang lain. Those gestures, words, gazes - aku tahu aku intimidating tapi aku rasa tak payah kot nak tengok aku sepanjang masa..?
Just focus with your 'new' group and keep on living.
Next;
For this holiday, aku nak mereput kat rumah je la - to refresh. Mama and adik and plus 'adik lagi sorang' pergi Vietnam following the school trip. Abang tanya kenapa tak ikut, and aku jawab aku tak minat haha.
"Tak minat ka takleh nak ikut...?" Nice point you've got there, bro.
Aku tak berapa nak suka si 'adik lagi sorang' tu, it's not yang aku jealous bagai, tapinya aku tak boleh kalau aku kena jaga perasaan 'orang luar' ni. Especially when your mum don't want to understand you at all and keep shoving mistake at your face. I cannot write in diary because my mum loves to play detective in the house, so I'm not happy because she would then ask me to reflect because of my words bla, bla, bla. At least she doesn't know my blog, so it's still fine, I guess..?
Peeps, I admit I'm weird or sensitive - but I'm still a human. There are times that we need to let out everything, there are times that we want to cry so that it will be alright. Maybe this semester makes me feeling stressed or emotional. I anticipated my IRP moment with my other three members, in my a/c class and also proper water supply in college.
But life gave me separated group. no a/c class and also limited water supply. I admit that I'm being sensitive right now - tapi perkara yang berlaku ni nampak biasa je padahal kat aku ni, ada cerita tersirat yang orang tak tahu pun dan orang judge aku cemtu je; maybe dah view aku sebagai orang jahat, orang yang tak bertimbang rasa dan sebagainya.
I had enough of everything and you don't know even a speck of dust about it. So, I beg, please stop talking rubbish and playing angel right now. You're not qualified to be in that position, and surprise; You've sinned much more than you imagined. So don't play innocent with me or you'll lose your head and start to think without it.
I'm having such a bad month, bad period. The saddest period I've ever been.
Penat.
Lelah.
Maybe I'm going to laugh at this post later in my life but who knows I'll keep reminding myself of what had happened in my life :)
I can't believe I update my blog. GOSH
Adios, bye-bye and annyeong
No comments:
Post a Comment